This isnt as much of an approach, its more of what happened to me last night. There is this 40 year old woman ive tapped a few times and I needed to get some action. So i send her a text message
Me: Hey my love button, what is a sweet piece of meat like you upto tonite?
Her: haha, you're so weird, nothing at all i havent seen you in awhile.
Me: yes my dear, come over and bring some MAGNUM CONDOMS, and you better pay for them bc youre getting the pleasure of being with a big man if you know what im saying
Her: Haha no problem, see you at 10
She comes over in this little lacey red lingerie. Im like if only this B*tch brought over dinner id be set. GUESS WHAT HAPPENED? SHE BROUGHT OVER 2 BIG MACS FOR ME ...this must be love...Thats probably around 100 grams of protein yum yum..but anyway i get my eat on and I begin my move. we start making out and i bring her into my room. The sheets were freshly changed and white as snow, the room smelled of burning vanilla candles. It was so romantic. THEN SOMETHING KILLED THE MOOD
Her: I gotta tell you something
Me: Whats that?
Her: I forgot the condoms, and im on my period
Me: WHAT?!! now thats messed up, well if you think you're leaving without putting out then you're wrong
Her: Ive never done it on my period before im nervous.
Me: well its your fault and youll deal with the consequences, im sure its not that bad
So we start having sex in every position possible, doggy style, missionary, 69, and i pound that poon good and blast it in her hair to teach her a lesson.
So after we are all done she tries to kiss me.
Me: You just gave me a bj, that kiss thing ain't happenin
Me: Plus i ain't your man so get out my house now, i don't cuddle..thats for queers
She walks out and slams the door to my house with her crusty semen covered hair
So i go back to bed and i lay down and i smell an ironish smell and as i roll over i feel a little damp spot. I immediately turn on the light and what do i see?
I SEE A BLOODY SPOT ABOUT THE SIZE OF A MELON. THAT IS IN THE MIDDLE OF MY SATIN WHITE SHEETS. SO I RIP OFF THE SHEETS BUT IT SANK THROUGH TO THE MATTRESS. SO NOW IM PISSED. SO I LOOK AT THE WINDOW AND I SEE A BUNCH OF PPL STANDING OUTSIDE MY APARTMENT AND THE 40 YEAR OLD WALKING OUT AND I SHOUT.
THAT B*TCH HAS A BLOODY GOOCH, AND SHE GOT HER BLOOD ALL OVER MY BED.
She ran to her car crying...