Thursday, January 20, 2011

APPROACH #13

since my pussy ratio has been going down alittle bit lately i decided that i should step up my game some. my first step was to get new trendy hair cut. so i go to this female salon, because quite frankly my bros i kinda get like half a woody when they wash and massage my head.

i walk in and there is a good mix of pussy nice petite asian ho doing her thing with nails, almost went over there but that **** would be gay. so i just go up to the front desk tell um i want a wash and cut. i sit down and wait a few minutes and this fine italian broad comes over and said she is gonna wash my hair. im getting my hair washed and she has surprisingly strong hands, and i know she'd be good at pulling my porch, so i begin my approach.

Me: So how long have you been working here?
Her: I just started a couple of weeks ago part time while im going to school.
Me: true, what are you going to school for?
Her: im going to school for accounting.
Me: good for you its a good field.
Her: what do you do?
Me: im actually im an investment banker over at goldman sachs. (sometimes you gotta just lie to get some poon)

She seems very impressed and smiles. She walks into the back and I walk over towards the haircutting chair. She starts cutting my hair and I develop a major stiffy. She then gets a phone call and tells me someone is going to take over for her. SO AT THIS POINT IM A LITTLE PISSED.

Finally some fruitcake named juan starts cutting my hair and I look down and seee I've got a raging boner on. I try to pat it down but it ain't going no where

There is an akward silence between me and the male gay barber until he leans over and whispers something in my ear

Him: is that for me? (looking at my boner)
Me: WTF YOU BUTT PIRATE

I lost it and I immediately slug that cum guzziling baffoon. I proceed to break the container with the barbosol in it and break the seat off the hinges and I walked out.

Not the best day

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

UPDATE #12

So saturday morning im trying to get some sleep after a long friday night of drunken pussy scavenger hunts, and hear this loud as noise outside my building. I go out side an i see some bastard with a jack hammer, and im like aint that a b.......... until i see one of his co-workers. so black construction worker bitch with nice thick thunder tighs. so i decide if this bitch has a dirty job, she is def down for gettin dirty. I decide i cant get any sleep i might as well try and get my d wet, so wait till she breaks for lunch and walks over to the truck.

Me: man dont you hate working on weekends?
Her: Yeah especially on hot days like this. ( i can kinda tell shes had a little bit of booze)
Me: I know what your saying I use to work outside till i hurt my back.
Her: Thats awful so what do you do now?
Me: Well right now im in the process of taking my bar exam, and on the side i do some security work.
Her: thats cool.
Me: yeah so how long do you have for lunch?
Her: i have like another 45 minutes.
Me: I live in the building why don't you come inside and we can eat in the AC.
Her: sound good to me.

we get inside and im like ohh yeah my favorite type of pussy sweaty pussy, its like natural lubricant. so we get inside and we start more small talk names and all that bull. and i decide wow ive already wasted like 20 minutes on this hoe, its time for some trickery. so i go in the bathroom. and like after 5 minutes i scream out ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, and i lie on the ground. bitch comes in all frantic
Her: johnny whats wrong?!?!?!

i dont answer and she like taps my face and i grab her hand i was like trick ya. and she was like
Her: freaking jerk
Me: speaking of jerk my dick is kinda lonely and you have like 15 minutes left on your break.
Her: jerk there nothing in it for me then.

So she didn't scream and run away so i figure im good to go. The only problem is this b*tch smelled like b.o. So i had an idea

Me: How about you and I take a shower together, It will help you cool down
Her: Sure, sounds good sexy

So we hop in the shower im washing her body and feeling her up and she's washing me, rubbing up on my cawk with the bar of soap. Then out of nowhere I get this burning sensation in my cawk hole!!!!!

So I scream ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Her: Whats wrong
Me: you got soap in my hole!!!!
Her: I'm so sorry
Me: I'm sorry too, get out you stinky ho

So I pushed her out of my shower and ran her out of my house half naked in my halfway. it burnt like hell

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

PICTURE UPDATE AND QUESTIONS ANSWERED



I feel its important to let my readers know the real me. This is a picture of me from a couple years ago.
I'd like to say its one of my more flaterring photos. If you have any questions for me feel free to ask and Ill answer as well!! More updates to come

Love ,

THE BIG NASTY

UPDATE #11

approach 12-

So this past weekend i was bar hopping. I was kind of stalking these 5 ladies and seeing where they were going to see if i could get my big old cawk wet. So as im sitting on the subway i see this woman who was a big black woman probably 40ish with red dyed hair and fat. She was also drooling a little bit as she was sleeping. So im thinking in my head

Hmm should i grab her tits and get off at the next stop? nahhh i decided against it as i didn't want to miss out on these 5 chicas.

I follow these girls to this club/bar and we are waiting on the line and I'm scoping out all the pieces of a**. The girls are let in and right as im about to be let in the bouncer stops me. So he won't let me in so what do I do? I bum rush him and my belly hit his as I run full speed at him and run inside the packed club.

So I don't see those girls I was following so I begin to work my own magic.

I find this nice thick black chick. I walk over to her and start grinding up against her bum with my penor which was hard as a rock. It must have felt like a metal rod was riding up against her bum. So shes digging it so out of nowhere she sticks her hands down my pants BEHIND THE MOTHA F*CKIN BOXERS and plays with my wang. Im getting into this sh*t and I start to use my "MAGIC FINGERS" on her. So out of nowhere she takes her hands out of my pants and turns around

Her: I'm not that type of girl *She has some horrified look on her face after she sees who she was dancing with*
Me: Don't give me that sh*t your hand was all up on my wang
She starts to walk away so I lose it and pull down her tube top and everyone sees her boobs. THATS 1 POINT FOR ME, HAND JOB AND BOOBIES

So after that exciting activity I see these two girls dancing together and I try to dance with the hot one. So the ugly one sees me and tries to pull the other girl away so what do I do?

I GRAB THE UGLY FAT ONE BY THE ARM AND FLING HER ACROSS THE ROOM. I HATE WHEN B*TCHES DO THAT SH*T. I get up real close behind her and moving my groin against her butt cheeks.

Me: Sorry bout your friend, she tripped
Her: It looked like you threw her to me
Me: Nah, im a big teddy bear
Her: well im sorry im not interested
Me: Don't be scared my pet, i won't rape you * I begin thinking in my head* <unless this b*tch fights>
Her: Wow you are a creepster, she proceeds to run away

well i was 0/2 that night...whatever

Monday, January 17, 2011

Approach # 10

This isnt as much of an approach, its more of what happened to me last night. There is this 40 year old woman ive tapped a few times and I needed to get some action. So i send her a text message

Me: Hey my love button, what is a sweet piece of meat like you upto tonite?
Her: haha, you're so weird, nothing at all i havent seen you in awhile.
Me: yes my dear, come over and bring some MAGNUM CONDOMS, and you better pay for them bc youre getting the pleasure of being with a big man if you know what im saying
Her: Haha no problem, see you at 10

She comes over in this little lacey red lingerie. Im like if only this B*tch brought over dinner id be set. GUESS WHAT HAPPENED? SHE BROUGHT OVER 2 BIG MACS FOR ME ...this must be love...Thats probably around 100 grams of protein yum yum..but anyway i get my eat on and I begin my move. we start making out and i bring her into my room. The sheets were freshly changed and white as snow, the room smelled of burning vanilla candles. It was so romantic. THEN SOMETHING KILLED THE MOOD

Her: I gotta tell you something
Me: Whats that?
Her: I forgot the condoms, and im on my period
Me: WHAT?!! now thats messed up, well if you think you're leaving without putting out then you're wrong
Her: Ive never done it on my period before im nervous.
Me: well its your fault and youll deal with the consequences, im sure its not that bad

So we start having sex in every position possible, doggy style, missionary, 69, and i pound that poon good and blast it in her hair to teach her a lesson.

So after we are all done she tries to kiss me.

Me: You just gave me a bj, that kiss thing ain't happenin
Her: why
Me: Plus i ain't your man so get out my house now, i don't cuddle..thats for queers

She walks out and slams the door to my house with her crusty semen covered hair


So i go back to bed and i lay down and i smell an ironish smell and as i roll over i feel a little damp spot. I immediately turn on the light and what do i see?

I SEE A BLOODY SPOT ABOUT THE SIZE OF A MELON. THAT IS IN THE MIDDLE OF MY SATIN WHITE SHEETS. SO I RIP OFF THE SHEETS BUT IT SANK THROUGH TO THE MATTRESS. SO NOW IM PISSED. SO I LOOK AT THE WINDOW AND I SEE A BUNCH OF PPL STANDING OUTSIDE MY APARTMENT AND THE 40 YEAR OLD WALKING OUT AND I SHOUT.







THAT B*TCH HAS A BLOODY GOOCH, AND SHE GOT HER BLOOD ALL OVER MY BED.

She ran to her car crying...

Sunday, January 16, 2011

new updates

more approaches to come tomorrow. please stay tuned and spread the news of this blog. Any help is appreciated!!

Friday, January 14, 2011

Approach 9

I was walking outside my building and i see one of the girls who lives on my floor. ive seen her before and just said hi on the elevator once. but i see her waiting in the lobby so i go in for another poon quest.

Me: hey how are you doing on this glorious day?
Her: I'm doing well, very nice day huh?
Me: Yeah def. I love the sunshine
Her: Yup
Me: Speaking of sunshine, what's your name cutie pie?
Her: *she blushes* Im jessica and yours?
Me: My name is johnny (i can't give her my nickname aka **)
Me: So i think you live on my floor
Her: Yup ive seen you around

So i figure its enough of this small talk...

Me: So you like star wars?
Her: yeah, actually im a big fan *she kinda gives me a weird look*
Me: im new to the area.There is a marathon but my tv is broken. Would you mind if I came over and watched an episode or two? ** i cross my fingers**
Her: umm sure yeah..be over at 8pm

So im getting excited with my mind running wild of piitb of this vixen. So I show up at her apt.

Me: Hey, long time no see stranger
Her: haha, so the marathon is about to begin
Me: Oh wonderful
Her: Ok whats spike's channel?
Me: Do you mind if i use your DSL before we start watching?
Her: sure one sec ill go get my laptop

SO UNFORTUNATELY FOR THIS GIRL SHE SAID I COULD USE HER DSL. SO SHE COMES BACK INTO THE ROOM AND GETS NICE AND CLOSE TO ME WITH HER LAPTOP.

OUT OF NOWHERE I LIFT UP MY SHIRT TO REVEAL MY LARGE BONER AND GRAB HER HEAD AND PUSH IT ON TOP OF MY CAWK. SHE FLIPS OUT AND STARTS YELLING AND CRYING.

SO IM LIKE

ME: BITCH YOU SAID I COULD USE YOUR DSL
HER: WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU
ME: SILLY WOMAN DSL STANDS FOR D*CK SUCKING LIPS
HER: WHAT? YOUR A PERV GET OUT OF MY HOUSE
ME: EVERYONE KNOWS WHAT IT STANDS FOR...LATER YA HO

SO I GOT CLOSER THIS TIME