Thursday, January 20, 2011

APPROACH #13

since my pussy ratio has been going down alittle bit lately i decided that i should step up my game some. my first step was to get new trendy hair cut. so i go to this female salon, because quite frankly my bros i kinda get like half a woody when they wash and massage my head.

i walk in and there is a good mix of pussy nice petite asian ho doing her thing with nails, almost went over there but that **** would be gay. so i just go up to the front desk tell um i want a wash and cut. i sit down and wait a few minutes and this fine italian broad comes over and said she is gonna wash my hair. im getting my hair washed and she has surprisingly strong hands, and i know she'd be good at pulling my porch, so i begin my approach.

Me: So how long have you been working here?
Her: I just started a couple of weeks ago part time while im going to school.
Me: true, what are you going to school for?
Her: im going to school for accounting.
Me: good for you its a good field.
Her: what do you do?
Me: im actually im an investment banker over at goldman sachs. (sometimes you gotta just lie to get some poon)

She seems very impressed and smiles. She walks into the back and I walk over towards the haircutting chair. She starts cutting my hair and I develop a major stiffy. She then gets a phone call and tells me someone is going to take over for her. SO AT THIS POINT IM A LITTLE PISSED.

Finally some fruitcake named juan starts cutting my hair and I look down and seee I've got a raging boner on. I try to pat it down but it ain't going no where

There is an akward silence between me and the male gay barber until he leans over and whispers something in my ear

Him: is that for me? (looking at my boner)
Me: WTF YOU BUTT PIRATE

I lost it and I immediately slug that cum guzziling baffoon. I proceed to break the container with the barbosol in it and break the seat off the hinges and I walked out.

Not the best day

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

UPDATE #12

So saturday morning im trying to get some sleep after a long friday night of drunken pussy scavenger hunts, and hear this loud as noise outside my building. I go out side an i see some bastard with a jack hammer, and im like aint that a b.......... until i see one of his co-workers. so black construction worker bitch with nice thick thunder tighs. so i decide if this bitch has a dirty job, she is def down for gettin dirty. I decide i cant get any sleep i might as well try and get my d wet, so wait till she breaks for lunch and walks over to the truck.

Me: man dont you hate working on weekends?
Her: Yeah especially on hot days like this. ( i can kinda tell shes had a little bit of booze)
Me: I know what your saying I use to work outside till i hurt my back.
Her: Thats awful so what do you do now?
Me: Well right now im in the process of taking my bar exam, and on the side i do some security work.
Her: thats cool.
Me: yeah so how long do you have for lunch?
Her: i have like another 45 minutes.
Me: I live in the building why don't you come inside and we can eat in the AC.
Her: sound good to me.

we get inside and im like ohh yeah my favorite type of pussy sweaty pussy, its like natural lubricant. so we get inside and we start more small talk names and all that bull. and i decide wow ive already wasted like 20 minutes on this hoe, its time for some trickery. so i go in the bathroom. and like after 5 minutes i scream out ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, and i lie on the ground. bitch comes in all frantic
Her: johnny whats wrong?!?!?!

i dont answer and she like taps my face and i grab her hand i was like trick ya. and she was like
Her: freaking jerk
Me: speaking of jerk my dick is kinda lonely and you have like 15 minutes left on your break.
Her: jerk there nothing in it for me then.

So she didn't scream and run away so i figure im good to go. The only problem is this b*tch smelled like b.o. So i had an idea

Me: How about you and I take a shower together, It will help you cool down
Her: Sure, sounds good sexy

So we hop in the shower im washing her body and feeling her up and she's washing me, rubbing up on my cawk with the bar of soap. Then out of nowhere I get this burning sensation in my cawk hole!!!!!

So I scream ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Her: Whats wrong
Me: you got soap in my hole!!!!
Her: I'm so sorry
Me: I'm sorry too, get out you stinky ho

So I pushed her out of my shower and ran her out of my house half naked in my halfway. it burnt like hell

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

PICTURE UPDATE AND QUESTIONS ANSWERED



I feel its important to let my readers know the real me. This is a picture of me from a couple years ago.
I'd like to say its one of my more flaterring photos. If you have any questions for me feel free to ask and Ill answer as well!! More updates to come

Love ,

THE BIG NASTY

UPDATE #11

approach 12-

So this past weekend i was bar hopping. I was kind of stalking these 5 ladies and seeing where they were going to see if i could get my big old cawk wet. So as im sitting on the subway i see this woman who was a big black woman probably 40ish with red dyed hair and fat. She was also drooling a little bit as she was sleeping. So im thinking in my head

Hmm should i grab her tits and get off at the next stop? nahhh i decided against it as i didn't want to miss out on these 5 chicas.

I follow these girls to this club/bar and we are waiting on the line and I'm scoping out all the pieces of a**. The girls are let in and right as im about to be let in the bouncer stops me. So he won't let me in so what do I do? I bum rush him and my belly hit his as I run full speed at him and run inside the packed club.

So I don't see those girls I was following so I begin to work my own magic.

I find this nice thick black chick. I walk over to her and start grinding up against her bum with my penor which was hard as a rock. It must have felt like a metal rod was riding up against her bum. So shes digging it so out of nowhere she sticks her hands down my pants BEHIND THE MOTHA F*CKIN BOXERS and plays with my wang. Im getting into this sh*t and I start to use my "MAGIC FINGERS" on her. So out of nowhere she takes her hands out of my pants and turns around

Her: I'm not that type of girl *She has some horrified look on her face after she sees who she was dancing with*
Me: Don't give me that sh*t your hand was all up on my wang
She starts to walk away so I lose it and pull down her tube top and everyone sees her boobs. THATS 1 POINT FOR ME, HAND JOB AND BOOBIES

So after that exciting activity I see these two girls dancing together and I try to dance with the hot one. So the ugly one sees me and tries to pull the other girl away so what do I do?

I GRAB THE UGLY FAT ONE BY THE ARM AND FLING HER ACROSS THE ROOM. I HATE WHEN B*TCHES DO THAT SH*T. I get up real close behind her and moving my groin against her butt cheeks.

Me: Sorry bout your friend, she tripped
Her: It looked like you threw her to me
Me: Nah, im a big teddy bear
Her: well im sorry im not interested
Me: Don't be scared my pet, i won't rape you * I begin thinking in my head* <unless this b*tch fights>
Her: Wow you are a creepster, she proceeds to run away

well i was 0/2 that night...whatever

Monday, January 17, 2011

Approach # 10

This isnt as much of an approach, its more of what happened to me last night. There is this 40 year old woman ive tapped a few times and I needed to get some action. So i send her a text message

Me: Hey my love button, what is a sweet piece of meat like you upto tonite?
Her: haha, you're so weird, nothing at all i havent seen you in awhile.
Me: yes my dear, come over and bring some MAGNUM CONDOMS, and you better pay for them bc youre getting the pleasure of being with a big man if you know what im saying
Her: Haha no problem, see you at 10

She comes over in this little lacey red lingerie. Im like if only this B*tch brought over dinner id be set. GUESS WHAT HAPPENED? SHE BROUGHT OVER 2 BIG MACS FOR ME ...this must be love...Thats probably around 100 grams of protein yum yum..but anyway i get my eat on and I begin my move. we start making out and i bring her into my room. The sheets were freshly changed and white as snow, the room smelled of burning vanilla candles. It was so romantic. THEN SOMETHING KILLED THE MOOD

Her: I gotta tell you something
Me: Whats that?
Her: I forgot the condoms, and im on my period
Me: WHAT?!! now thats messed up, well if you think you're leaving without putting out then you're wrong
Her: Ive never done it on my period before im nervous.
Me: well its your fault and youll deal with the consequences, im sure its not that bad

So we start having sex in every position possible, doggy style, missionary, 69, and i pound that poon good and blast it in her hair to teach her a lesson.

So after we are all done she tries to kiss me.

Me: You just gave me a bj, that kiss thing ain't happenin
Her: why
Me: Plus i ain't your man so get out my house now, i don't cuddle..thats for queers

She walks out and slams the door to my house with her crusty semen covered hair


So i go back to bed and i lay down and i smell an ironish smell and as i roll over i feel a little damp spot. I immediately turn on the light and what do i see?

I SEE A BLOODY SPOT ABOUT THE SIZE OF A MELON. THAT IS IN THE MIDDLE OF MY SATIN WHITE SHEETS. SO I RIP OFF THE SHEETS BUT IT SANK THROUGH TO THE MATTRESS. SO NOW IM PISSED. SO I LOOK AT THE WINDOW AND I SEE A BUNCH OF PPL STANDING OUTSIDE MY APARTMENT AND THE 40 YEAR OLD WALKING OUT AND I SHOUT.







THAT B*TCH HAS A BLOODY GOOCH, AND SHE GOT HER BLOOD ALL OVER MY BED.

She ran to her car crying...

Sunday, January 16, 2011

new updates

more approaches to come tomorrow. please stay tuned and spread the news of this blog. Any help is appreciated!!

Friday, January 14, 2011

Approach 9

I was walking outside my building and i see one of the girls who lives on my floor. ive seen her before and just said hi on the elevator once. but i see her waiting in the lobby so i go in for another poon quest.

Me: hey how are you doing on this glorious day?
Her: I'm doing well, very nice day huh?
Me: Yeah def. I love the sunshine
Her: Yup
Me: Speaking of sunshine, what's your name cutie pie?
Her: *she blushes* Im jessica and yours?
Me: My name is johnny (i can't give her my nickname aka **)
Me: So i think you live on my floor
Her: Yup ive seen you around

So i figure its enough of this small talk...

Me: So you like star wars?
Her: yeah, actually im a big fan *she kinda gives me a weird look*
Me: im new to the area.There is a marathon but my tv is broken. Would you mind if I came over and watched an episode or two? ** i cross my fingers**
Her: umm sure yeah..be over at 8pm

So im getting excited with my mind running wild of piitb of this vixen. So I show up at her apt.

Me: Hey, long time no see stranger
Her: haha, so the marathon is about to begin
Me: Oh wonderful
Her: Ok whats spike's channel?
Me: Do you mind if i use your DSL before we start watching?
Her: sure one sec ill go get my laptop

SO UNFORTUNATELY FOR THIS GIRL SHE SAID I COULD USE HER DSL. SO SHE COMES BACK INTO THE ROOM AND GETS NICE AND CLOSE TO ME WITH HER LAPTOP.

OUT OF NOWHERE I LIFT UP MY SHIRT TO REVEAL MY LARGE BONER AND GRAB HER HEAD AND PUSH IT ON TOP OF MY CAWK. SHE FLIPS OUT AND STARTS YELLING AND CRYING.

SO IM LIKE

ME: BITCH YOU SAID I COULD USE YOUR DSL
HER: WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU
ME: SILLY WOMAN DSL STANDS FOR D*CK SUCKING LIPS
HER: WHAT? YOUR A PERV GET OUT OF MY HOUSE
ME: EVERYONE KNOWS WHAT IT STANDS FOR...LATER YA HO

SO I GOT CLOSER THIS TIME

APPROACH #9

So I walking around in Midtown after work and I passed that Post Office that has a million steps. I see this young milky white chick, listening to her ipod. She must be 18 at the absolute oldest. So I think to myself 10 years for a lil good ole butt sex with a minor, I don?t know about that. But I see her sitting on the steps and my willy johnson begins to stand at attention. I?m like screw it lets go hunt some prey.

Me: hey sweet thang, what are you listening to?
Her: death cab for cutie.
Me: Never heard of them before, but you is a cutie.

This jailbait?s face immediately turns red. So I follow up with my questions method.

Me: what kinda music do they play?
Her: like indy rock.
Me: i love to rock out.......(phew!, I almost said with my cock out)i shread like jimmy hendrix when he was on LSD.
Her: thats cool.
Me: Well do you like Sum 41? Im actually good friends with the lead singer
Her: Yeah I love them, that?s awesome
Me: Well would you like to meet him? He?s coming over tonite, we are going to grab some drinks and probably play some cards. Plus we can play around with my guitar (you know what that means! She won?t know until she gets there)
Her: uhh?maybe ill stop by. I don?t know you but that?s a once in a lifetime opportunity

So we exchange numbers and I give her a time to meet up. So she gets to my house around 7 and starts asking where is derrick?

Me: Derrick is gonna be a little later, but he said he?ll call me before he comes
Her: oh okay
Me: Why don?t we have a little something to drink
Her: im not legal, and ive never drank before im kinda nervous.
Me: Don?t worry, Ill mix you up something nice and soft for your first drink

SO I RUN OVER TO THE FRIDGE AND WHIP OUT THE BACARDI 151 (151 proof liquor) and of course the koolaid to mask the taste. I put extra sugar in that biznatch to cover up the horrid taste. So I put approximately 3 shots of 151 in a large glass and douse it with kool-aid. Well it looks like im gonna get some action tonite. Boooyaaahh.

Her: This drink smells weird, just drink it don?t worry it?s a chick drink. Probably has the amount of alcohol of a beer

This happens for about half an hour and she finishes it and is absolutely gone beyond oblivion. SO ITS TIME TO SHINE.

Me: So derrick is here but he said he?ll only come in if you close your eyes
Her?<some drunk lingo>
Me: close your eyes and put your hand out, he?s got a present for you
Her: ok
Me: (I whip my c*ck out and put it in her hand) shake his hand
Her: whats this? (she opens her eyes and starts yelling and stumbling for the door)
Me: I ain?t letting you go tonite sweet cheeks.

SHE STARTS YELLING AND RUNS OUT THE DOOR BUT NOT BEFORE I GRABBED HER BOOB. THAT?S LIKE THE EQUIVALENT OF ? of sex. BONUS

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Approach #8

Approach 8

So yesterday my bellly was rumbling so I went to Wendys across the street from work on my lunch break.

I go up and get my cesar salad, cause your knows that I'm trying to cut some pounds. See the girls behind the counter are kinda skanky but they look like they haven't seen a shower in ages. So I think to myself, "Johnny you need a better woman in your life than some fastfood woman". So then I walk upstairs to sit down and i see this fine sister in a business suit sitting by herself. So I begin to think...looks like BIG NASTY is gonna get some freak nasty tonite. So i initiate the conversation

Me: Hi, excuse me miss are you sitting by yourself?
Her: Yeah, I'm grabbing something quick before I head out to a meeting.
Me: I see... I hate sitting by myself while i eat. do you mind if i join you?
Her; ummm no not at all. but im going to be leaving in like 15 mins.
Me: Thanks.... my name is johny by the way.
Her: Hi my name is racquel.

So she starts to eat again and I put my salad down on the table. I start looking at her delicious sandwich and Im not sure what I want: SEX OR BACONATOR.

Me: so whats that your eating it looks tasty, is it new?
Her: yeah kinda its a baconator.
Me: MMmmm that looks almost as delicious as my tongue down your throat..

she looked shocked and started to choke on her food a bit. She ran to the bathroom. i waited outside for her for like 5 minutes figuring she'd come out and get my meat pole. So then I went back to finish my salad. After i finished my salad, she still wasnt out of the bathroom like 10 minutes later. So i go up and knock on the door and say "hey its johny", no answer . So I just threw my coke at the door and said **** YOU, YOU ASHEY BITCH!!!!

She still didn't come out so I lost control (again)...I run into the bathroom and find two small stalls and someone hiding inside talking on the cellphone. So I PICK UP THE GARBAGE CAN WHICH IS FILLED WITH TAMPON WRAPPERS DIRTY TOLIET PAPER AND WHO KNOWS WHAT AND I THROW THAT SH*T OVER THE STALL. I IMMEDIATELY HEAR SOMEONE SCREAM AND I WALK AWAY IN A FIT OF RAGE

someone help me out here..why isn't this working out

APPROACH #7

Approach #7

So I'm sitting on the train yesterday and I see a ladies who is a potential target. There is a seat avaliable right next to me on the train and I start my game

Me:Excuse me miss
Her: yes?
Me: It looks like those long legs of yours must be tired
Her: umm not really
Me: Why don't you have a seat next to a real gentlemen
Her: Well let me know when one become avaliable because it sure as hell ain't you.

so I just brush that one off but after she gets off the train i realize i havent gotten action in a couple of days now so i decide that its time for me to make the magic happen.



So as im transfering to the other subway I look for anything female. As I walk by I grab as much booty as I can and push my pointy elbows into as many titties as I can. Girls look but no one says nothing bc im the big nasty. Unfortunately this ain't enough for the ** so I gotta get some more.

So again as I transfer there is a seat avaliable to the left of me. I see this 50 year old woman who longs like a younger version of one of the golden girls. This woman has the most amazing buttocks I have ever seen and I just had to feel it. I couldn't wait to palm it like a basketball. So i begin my conversation

Me: Hey lady
Her: hi
Me: I saw your standing and there is a seat avaliable right next to me. I must be a gentleman and insist you sit there.
Her: uh im okay
Me: no i insist
Her: ahh if you insist

So i know that I should try to talk her up but im horny as hell so i decide im gonna go for the kill.


So right as she is about to sit down I cup my hand and put it on the seat. She luckily sits right onto my big black hands. I grab that **** hard as hell and I immediately pop a stiffy.

Her: AHHHHHH
Me: AHHHHHH

I have to admit i was kinda embarassed that she screamed and i ran into another subway car with my huge boner and got off at the next stop. At least I got to feel her bubblicious hiney.

more updates later ladies and gents.

APPROACH #6

Approach 6

Yesterday after a hard day of work I went to fresh meadows park. I see this fine latina biznatch walking with a stroller so I start thinking in my head "im good with children this should be an easy lay"

So i walk up to the broad and her son (probably around 4 years old) and I start the conversation:

Me: Hey excuse me miss
Her: yes?
Me: you daughter is beautiful
Her: umm...thats my son
Me: yeah thats what i meant
Her: oh haha its okay...his hair is a bit long hah
Me: I love children, i see he takes after his mother in beauty.
Her: Aww..thats sweet
Me: do you have any other children?
Her: nope, i want more children but I haven't found the right guy yet.

so I go in for the kill, and figure its time to say something sweet to land this beautiful broad..
so I look down at this little baby boy and i say:

Me: hey you, how would you like a baby brother in 9 months?
Her: excuse me? you are disgusting. get away from me
Me: Oh come on now, you want this d*ck
Her: I wouldn't sleep with your disgusting 300 lb body if you were the last man on earth. I was trying to be nice
Me: Oh well go find yourself another baby daddy. It ain't my fault you can't keep those skanky legs closed...lata b*tch

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

APPROACH #5

APPROACH #5- So im walking around this shopping complex looking for some fresh meat. Its a pretty nice sized complex with a ballys total fitness next to this bagel place, so i figured id pick up some pre workout carbs in a bagel. So as I walk in I see this little white girl who looked like she could use a d*ck or two. So i walk up to her

ME: hi, how are you?
Her: hi, what can i get for you today
me: i want a whole wheat bagel with double cream cheese
her: uh sure, anything else for you today? (she says with a smile)

i decided this is a prime time to go for the kill

Me: Well your number would be wonderful
Her: uh i don't give out my number to strangers
Me: Well thats good honey bc i ain't no stranger, my names johny. What's yours?
Her: she laughs** im emily.

I reach over and shake her hand and i go for the kill. So i keep pressing this broad for her number and after about 5 more minutes she relucantly gives it to me. So as I walk away and say goodbye I see her giggling with her friend behind the counter. So I'm figuring nice this chick digs my big black physique.

So as i leave I decide that I'm gonna send her a text so she can have my number too. So I'm sitting in the parking lot in my car when I send it. Strangely enough the text doesn't go through so im like "this ho better have not gave me a fake number" So i decide im gonna call it because the big nasty don't waste any time when it comes to chicks.

To my happy suprise it rings and im golden

until















SOME MOFO PICKS UP THE PHONE AND ITS MOTHA F*CKIN BALLY TOTAL FITNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DUMB BROAD LIED TO ME SO I REALIZE NOW SHES GOTTA PAY.

SO I RUN OUT OF MY CAR LIKE A BAT OUT OF HELL. I GRAB THAT DAMN BAGEL AND RUN INTO THE BAGEL STORE. I SHOUT AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS "NO ONE MESSES WITH BIG NASTY". I TAKE THE BAGEL AND THROW IT AS HARD AS I CAN AGAINST A RACK OF CREAM CHEESES AND A BUNCH FALL.

then i run out of there....

you should have seen that hos face when i came back

priceless

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

APPROACH #4

APPROACH #4-I was waiting for the train in penn station getting back from a night hanging with the boys. I was waiting all by myself and sloppy drunk. So I see these girls probably around 21 that were extremely fly. They were all wearing really short skirts so I do the best thing I could do in this situation.

I lay on the floor of penn station and look up their skirts. So I see two skanks out of the 3 look at me and start getting pissed

GIRL 1 and 2: WTF ARE YOU DOING YOU PERVERT
ME: IM TIRED, CANT A BLACK MAN GET SOME REST?
GIRL 3: GET AWAY
ME: can i ask you ladies a question
GIRL: GET THE F*CK AWAY

I START TO FOLLOW THEM

ME: Ill leave you alone if you answer my question
GIRL2: FINE WHAT DO YOU WANT
ME:it must be colding wearing no undies, you want a big black stiffy to warm you up?

Girls told me to stfu and ran away. I figured after they caught me looking up their skirts, i was done for.so i just acted the way i wanted to.

Approach # 3

I was in the library trying to study for the bar exam when i see this nerdy looking girl. She was about 4ft 11, 100 lbs. She had thick brimmed glasses and was wearing some weird ass outfit.

So im thinking... Im hungry for some puss. So i walk over to her and I see her studying some math.

Me: Excuse me miss
Her: Uh hi
Me: I see you are doing math but can i borrow your calculator for a second
Her: Uh yeah sure i just need it back soon
Me: Thanks (i walk away for a minute and come back)
Thanks again,
Her: Happy I could help you out
Me: Do you think you could check it over for me though, you look like a very studious type
Her: Sure whats the equation
Me: YOU + ME =US
Her: She looks up in horror, and takes her books and starts to walk away

I follow her, she starts walking faster. Hey sweetheart where you going? She leaves the library and I shout "GET BACK HERE NOW"

well she didn't, but she left her calculator...so its a win for me

Approach #2

Approach 2-

I was picking up some chinese at this chinese food restraunt. I see this lady that smelled like greasy food, and had a couple of long hairs on her chin but she could take my pole

Her: That be 8.75
Me: Oh really, thats very cheap
Her: yes sir
Me: Sorry, I only carry around Benjamins (I hand her a 100 dollar bill)
Her: It okay
Me: So when do you get off tonite
Her: When we close
Me: Why don't you and me grab some grub
Her: Uhh i am busy, sorry
Me: WELL F*CK YOU THEN

I proceeded to knock down the gumball machine, which ended up breaking. I then ran like hell out the door and was chased by 2 little asian men. My 270 lb bounced up and down until I reached my car and drove away....

i got them good

Monday, January 10, 2011

UPDATE #1

so i figured id like to log my approaches and show you peeeps how a man like me operates so feel free to ask me any questions and any input you might have

APPROACH 1-I start following around this one spanish girl with a big thick piece of hiney. I walk from behind and put my hands over her eyes.

Me: GUESS WHO?
Her: I don't know
Me: Come on, GUESS!!!
Her: Uhh mike
Her: NOPE MY LADY FRIEND
Her: uhh who is this

she proceeds to rip my hands off her face, and turns around

Me: its me you silly goose
Her: who the F*CK are you? get the hell away from me

so note to people don't do this kind of thing to someone you don't know...

more updates to come

HELLO ALL

This the blog of a sexy animal named Big Nasty. This will be updated with my quest for pussy very frequently so please feel free to comment !

-BN